You may remember that I
broke up with the scale and I'm not weighing myself until at least June 4th or after. So, I've had to find other ways to measure my success, which is what this non-scale victories linkup is all about.
I have issues with what I see in the mirror, plain and simple. I have talked a little bit before about not recognizing that I looked great when I was 180 pounds, but it was more extreme than what I've talked about before. I swear, when I was 180 pounds I looked in the mirror and saw a 300 pound girl. For awhile I was OBSESSED with counting carbs and not gaining an ounce. Obsessed. And was still never ever happy with how I looked. Interestingly enough, when I was 300 pounds in 2008 and 296 pounds this past January, I didn't see a 300 pound person in the mirror. Of course I knew I was overweight, but I was pretty surprised when I saw pictures and saw how fat I really was. I just didn't see it in the mirror.
So, I'm trying hard to see myself as I really am and be nicer to myself, and HONEST with myself. Several people, including my husband, have told me that my face looks slimmer. I want to believe them but the bully inside my head often won't let me, so I took a picture to compare.
Left is early February, right was on Tuesday 5/14
Left was 3/21/13, right was 5/14/13
My double chin is getting smaller - in fact, I am closer and closer to having only one chin! I think my butt is a little bit smaller and my belly is a little flatter. My ankles are also much smaller in the picture than they seem to me in everyday life. I don't know why I cannot get my height right in these pictures for the life of me.
I just have felt extremely unmotivated this week. I don't know if it's the sugar I ate on Sunday, or how busy we are right now with baseball, or what, but my get up and go just isn't there. I haven't been sleeping well either - last night my toddler was up at 3:30 a.m., demanding cereal and Bob the Builder. WTF. I haven't cheated at all and I've forced myself to exercise, but this week I just don't WANT to. The fire just isn't there this week. I have to keep reminding myself of my goals, not to mention the half marathon that I'm already signed up for on September 21st. I had a bit of a breakthrough tonight at the gym tonight...after the first mile, it just felt good to run, so I cranked up the music and ran without stopping for over a half mile.
Tonight, at 9 p.m., I was lying on the couch reading to my 2-year-old, when the older boys came in begging me to come play basketball with them and my husband. Kids vs. parents, losers pay the winners $10. The little guy was actually really good and sat on the step the entire time and watched us play. The kids only beat us by one point, which is pretty good for a 35 year old man and a girl who couldn't hardly hit the broadside of the barn that the hoop is mounted on vs. two very fit, athletic teenagers. So I'm out $10 but it was pretty fun. I'm calling that a non-scale victory too, because the fat girl part of my brain wanted to keep laying on that couch. The fit girl part of my brain is happy that we had some active family fun.
I'm hanging in there and trying to get fired up!
